But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
