i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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