Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
