Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
