The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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