I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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