There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
