Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
