I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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