And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
