I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
