My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
