vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
