There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Holy sore nipples Batman
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
