I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
