Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
