Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
the raccoons are back...
Randomize