Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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