Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
