I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
