We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
