You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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