Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I wish there were birth control emojis
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
