So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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