life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Randomize
