We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
