Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
