You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
