so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
