this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
