i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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