I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
