Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
