these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
