Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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