Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
