You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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