I showed him my bush... on skype.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
