At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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