thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
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