I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
