i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
