dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
