I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
We got so high we made milksteak
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
