This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
