Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
