Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
