I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
