too bad you live with your parents still
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
