I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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