whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
