i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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