Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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