woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
