my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
